Do You React or Respond to Your Child?

Every parent has moments when frustration takes over.

Your child ignores a direction, has an emotional outburst, or repeats a behavior you've already addressed several times. Before you know it, your voice gets louder and you're reacting instead of responding.

The difference between the two can have a powerful impact.

Reacting comes from the emotion of the moment. Responding creates space to understand what may be driving the behavior and choose what to do next.

That doesn't mean parents should never become frustrated. It means learning to recognize what is happening before frustration determines the response.

Look Beyond the Behavior

When a child is struggling, the behavior we see is often only part of the story.

Before assuming your child is simply refusing to cooperate, consider what might be happening underneath the behavior.

Are they hungry or tired?

Do they need movement after sitting for a long period?

Are they overwhelmed by noise, lights, people, or activity?

Did an unexpected change disrupt their routine?

Are they frustrated because they don't yet have the words or skills to communicate what they need?

Understanding the reason behind a behavior doesn't mean ignoring boundaries. It helps us respond more effectively.

   

Regulate Before You Correct

When emotions are already high, raising your voice can make it harder for a child to regain control.

Instead, try slowing the interaction down.

Pause. Lower your voice. Give a clear direction. Acknowledge what your child may be feeling while maintaining the boundary.

For example:

"I can see you're frustrated. It's okay to be frustrated, but it's not okay to hit. Let's take a moment and figure out what you need."

This teaches more than compliance. It models emotional regulation, communication, and problem-solving.

    

What If You Already Reacted?

Sometimes you'll yell. Sometimes you'll say something you wish you hadn't.

What happens next matters.

Return to your child, acknowledge what happened, apologize when appropriate, and reconnect.

Repair teaches children that relationships can recover after difficult moments. It also shows them what accountability looks like in real life.

    

Responding Is a Skill—for Parents and Children

Executive functioning includes skills such as emotional regulation, impulse control, flexible thinking, and problem-solving.

Children are still developing these abilities. When they struggle with behavior, they may need support using skills that aren't fully developed yet.

As parents, we can model those same skills by creating a small space between what happens and how we respond.

You don't need to respond perfectly every time.

The goal is to become more aware of what your child's behavior may be communicating and choose a response that teaches the skills you want them to develop.

    

At Executive Brain Academy, we help students and families strengthen the executive functioning skills that support greater independence, confidence, and success in everyday life.

     

Dr. Benjamin Mizrahi
Founder, Executive Brain Academy
Educator | Learning Specialist | Family Coach

Learn more at www.mrmizrahi.com