Help Your Child Make and Keep Friends
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Friendships are an important part of childhood. They give children opportunities to practice communication, cooperation, empathy, problem-solving, and emotional regulation.
But for some children—especially those with ADHD or executive functioning challenges—making a friend may be easier than keeping one.
A child may genuinely want to connect with others but struggle with interrupting, taking turns, managing disappointment, noticing social cues, or adapting when another child wants to do something differently.
These behaviors don't necessarily mean a child doesn't care about friendship. Often, they simply need more support learning the skills that successful friendships require.
The good news is that parents can help.
Start With Connection, Not Correction
When your child comes home upset about a friendship problem, resist the urge to immediately explain what they should have done differently.
Start by listening.
You might say:
"That sounds really frustrating. Tell me what happened."
Giving your child space to explain the situation helps them feel understood and gives you valuable insight into what may have gone wrong.
Once emotions have settled, you can begin problem-solving together.
Look for What Your Child Is Doing Right
When children struggle socially, adults can easily focus on everything that needs correcting.
Instead, notice the skills that are already developing.
Maybe your child approached another child appropriately but became too controlling during the game. Instead of criticizing the entire interaction, acknowledge the positive first:
"I liked how you introduced yourself and asked if you could play."
Then choose one specific skill to work on:
"Next time, let's practice letting your friend choose part of the game too."
Trying to correct ten behaviors at once can feel overwhelming. One clear goal gives your child something manageable to practice.
Help Your Child Find Compatible Friends
Not every child will be the right friendship match—and that's okay.
Look for children who share similar interests, energy levels, activities, or personalities.
Sports, clubs, classes, school activities, community programs, and other structured environments can create natural opportunities for children to meet peers who enjoy the same things.
For some children, one meaningful friendship can be more valuable than trying to fit into a large social group.
Practice Social Skills Before They're Needed
Children benefit from practicing difficult situations before they happen.
You can role-play simple scenarios such as:
"What could you say if your friend doesn't want to play your game?"
"What could you do if you lose?"
"How can you tell when your friend wants a turn?"
"What could you say if you disagree?"
Practicing these situations when your child is calm makes it easier to access those skills when emotions are stronger.
Make Playdates Easier to Navigate
For children who struggle with unstructured social situations, a little planning can make playdates much more successful.
Before a friend arrives, talk about what they might do together. Put away special belongings your child doesn't want to share and have a few activities available.
You can also choose one social goal beforehand.
For example:
"Today we're going to practice letting your friend choose what to play sometimes."
Clear expectations are often much easier for children to follow than simply telling them to "behave."
Give Enough Support—Without Taking Over
How much supervision a child needs depends on their age and current social skills.
Younger children may need an adult nearby. Older children may benefit from more independence with occasional check-ins.
If you notice a problem developing, avoid correcting your child publicly unless safety requires immediate intervention.
A quiet reminder may be enough.
The goal isn't to manage every interaction for your child. It's to provide enough support that they can gradually learn to manage those situations themselves.
Talk About What Went Well Afterwards
After a playdate or social activity, don't begin with everything that went wrong.
Start with success.
"I noticed you let your friend choose the game this time."
Then discuss one thing your child could try differently next time.
This turns social experiences into opportunities for learning rather than something your child associates with criticism.
Friendship Skills Can Be Learned
Some children seem to understand social situations naturally. Others need those skills to be taught more explicitly.
That's okay.
Taking turns, reading social cues, managing frustration, thinking flexibly, listening, and considering another person's perspective are skills that develop over time.
Parents can support that development through connection, practice, encouragement, and gradually giving children more responsibility for navigating their own relationships.
The goal isn't to create a perfectly social child.
It's to help your child develop the confidence and skills to build healthy, meaningful relationships in a way that works for them.
At Executive Brain Academy, we help children and families strengthen executive functioning skills that support communication, emotional regulation, flexible thinking, self-control, and the social skills needed to build meaningful relationships.
Benjamin Mizrahi
Founder, Executive Brain Academy
Educator | Learning Specialist | Family Coach