What To Do When You Find Yourself in Power Struggle

 

You’re at a friend’s house, and your child pushes their sibling. You ask for an apology—and they run away instead.

You ask your teenager to clean their room. They shrug it off with, “I’ll do it later,” and shut the door.

If just reading this makes your body tense… pause for a second.

Take a slow breath in.
Let it out slowly.

Because moments like these can quickly turn into power struggles—and once we’re in them, it’s hard to get out.

As children grow, they naturally start seeking more independence. They test limits, push boundaries, and express their own opinions more strongly. That’s part of development.

But when a child refuses a request or pushes back, it often triggers something in us.

We feel the urge to prove a point.
To be listened to.
To be respected.
To “win” the moment.

And that’s usually when the power struggle begins.

The truth is—power struggles aren’t really about the situation in front of us. They’re often driven by our need to feel in control or validated as the authority.

But here’s the problem:
In a power struggle, no one actually wins.

Voices get louder.
Frustration builds.
Both parent and child become overwhelmed.

And in that state, real learning or connection doesn’t happen.

So what can you do in the moment?

First—pause.

Not to give up, but to reset.

Take a breath. Slow things down. Create just enough space so you don’t react automatically.

Then remind yourself:
You’re the adult—not to overpower, but to guide.

Being the adult doesn’t mean you have to prove you’re right.
It means you can choose how to respond, even when it’s hard.

You can still hold your boundary.
And you can do it without turning it into a battle.

It also helps to remember a few important truths:

– You don’t need to “win” to be effective
– It’s okay if your child doesn’t like your limits
– It’s also okay if you don’t like their reaction
– Big reactions from children often mean they’re overwhelmed—not disrespectful
– Your calm presence matters more than your words in these moments

When you feel that internal voice pushing you to take control, argue, or prove a point… pause again.

And shift into a more grounded mindset:

“I’ve said enough. I can handle this calmly.”

From there, you can respond with clarity instead of emotion.

Because the goal isn’t to overpower your child—
it’s to lead them.

And leadership, especially in parenting, often looks like staying calm when things around you are not.

—
Coach Benjamin Mizrahi
Educator | Learning Specialist | Family Coach

Read more at: www.mrmizrahi.com