How To Help Children Manage Their Impulsiveness

Impulsiveness is a part of childhood — and for many kids, especially those with special needs, it can be one of the hardest things for grownups to manage. When a child acts without thinking, it can feel unpredictable, stressful, and sometimes even dangerous. But impulsive behavior is usually not “bad” or intentional — it’s a sign that the child needs better tools to notice feelings, pause, and choose a different action.

What is impulsiveness?

Put simply, impulsiveness is acting first and thinking later. It shows up as a lack of self-control: a child blurting out, grabbing a toy, getting up before instructions are finished, or exploding when told “no.” These moments are often rooted in emotion (frustration, excitement, anger) or difficulty with attention and regulation.

How impulsiveness looks

Young children naturally have less self-control than older kids — that’s normal. Still, behaviors you might see include:

• Speaking over teachers or adults.
• Taking another child’s turn or toy.
• Getting up before instructions are finished.
• Hitting or pushing when upset.
• Making careless mistakes because they rush.

Some impulsiveness reduces as children mature. For others, temperament or conditions like ADHD make it more persistent. The good news: whether it’s a developmental phase or a longer-term challenge, adults can teach skills that make a real difference.

Practical ways to help

Think of your job as teaching children tools for their emotional toolbox. Here are clear, practical strategies you can use right away:

1. Reward what you want to see
Impulsive kids often get attention for the wrong behaviors because adults react. Make a point of noticing and praising calm, patient, or thoughtful choices. Positive reinforcement helps those moments increase over time.

2. Teach emotion words and body signals
Help children name what they feel — “I see you’re angry” or “You look frustrated.” Teach the body signs that often come before an outburst (fast breathing, clenched fists, a tight chest) so they can catch the warning signals earlier.

3. Offer simple coping tools
Give them a few concrete strategies to use when they feel the urge to act: take three deep breaths, squeeze a ball, step back for a moment, or count to five. Practice these when calm so they’re available in the hot moments.

4. Problem-solve together after things cool down
When everyone is calm, talk about what happened and ask, “What else could we do next time?” Help them brainstorm alternatives and role-play those choices so they’re more likely to use them later.

5. Divert attention before it blows up
Learn the cues that a child is nearing an outburst and redirect them. A toy swap, a quick choice (“Would you like the red or blue marker?”), or a short change in activity can stop impulsivity before it escalates.

6. Be consistent and patient
Change won’t happen overnight. Keep expectations simple, be consistent with consequences and rewards, and celebrate small steps. Your steady response teaches them that calm choices get noticed and rewarded.

Final thought

Managing impulsiveness takes time, but it’s teachable. Your role is to give children the language, the warning signals, and the small tools they can use in the moment. With practice, those “time bombs” become fewer and the child learns to act with more thought and self-control — one step at a time.

— Coach Benjamin Mizrahi
Educator • Learning Specialist • Family Coach • Father • Husband