How To Help Your Children Calm Down

 

Tantrums.
Outbursts.
Whining.
Defiance.

Most of us have seen what happens when a child’s emotions take over.

But children don’t usually go from calm to sobbing on the floor in a single second. Emotions build gradually — like a wave. If we help children recognize the wave while it’s still small, they’re more likely to manage it before it crashes.

Emotional regulation isn’t something children are born knowing how to do. It’s a skill — and like any skill, it must be taught, modeled, and practiced.

Here are five practical ways to help your child calm down:

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1. Validate their feelings

Validation does not mean agreement.
It means understanding.

When a child hears, “I see you’re really frustrated right now,” their nervous system begins to settle. Feeling understood lowers defensiveness.

You might say:

• “That was disappointing.”
• “I can see why that upset you.”
• “You really wanted that to go differently.”

When children feel heard, they don’t need to escalate to be noticed.

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2. Give positive attention

Attention is one of the most powerful parenting tools.

If we only give attention when children misbehave, they quickly learn that big reactions get results. But when we intentionally notice and praise calm behavior, effort, and cooperation, we strengthen those patterns.

“I noticed how you took a deep breath.”
“You calmed yourself down — that was strong.”

Positive attention shapes behavior more effectively than constant correction.

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3. Keep expectations clear and routines consistent

Children feel safer when they know what’s expected. Clear instructions and predictable routines reduce uncertainty — and uncertainty often fuels emotional outbursts.

Keep directions simple and consistent.
Follow through calmly.
Avoid sudden surprises when possible.

Structure helps prevent dysregulation before it starts.

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4. Offer choices

Power struggles often come from a need for control.

When children are given limited, appropriate choices, they feel empowered instead of forced.

For example:
“You can get ready for bed now and we’ll read a story, or you can take 10 more minutes — but then no story.”

Choices reduce resistance because they give children ownership within boundaries.

 

5. Set aside five special minutes a day

Connection is preventative medicine.

Even five intentional minutes daily — with no commands, no correcting, no multitasking — can significantly reduce emotional struggles later.

This time is chosen by the child.
It is predictable.
It is unconditional.

It sends a powerful message:
“I enjoy you. I’m here. You matter.”

And most importantly — it is not earned through good behavior. It happens no matter what kind of day they had.

Children who feel securely connected are better able to regulate their emotions.

 

Helping children calm down isn’t about stopping big feelings. It’s about teaching them how to move through those feelings safely.

And that starts with us.

 

 

Coach Benjamin Mizrahi
Educator • Learning Specialist • Family Coach • Father • Husband

For more articles and resources, visit www.mrmizrahi.com